Doesn’t Add up

2 + 2 = 5?

I’m a man and I’m a Virgo.  Therefore, it  should be no surprise that I am very logical and often want things to neatly add up or to make perfect sense.  However, in life,  that isn’t always the case and there are situations that no matter what calculations I do, 2 + 2 doesn’t seem to  = 4.       

The passing of my mother was one of those situations that I just couldn’t seem to get the numbers right. Why was she gone?  Why were other people still alive? Why did the treatment not work?  Why did she have to leave before her first grandson was born?  I calculated and recalculated but the answers never quite added up.  

Another example would be the end of my 2021 school year.  I found myself trying to calculate why 3 young men that I had either taught or coached completed sucicide during the Spring semester.  Why did they believe this was their only option? Was there anything that could have been done? How can I stop this from happening in the future?  The loss of two freshmen and a junior had once again left my logical brain struggling to balance the equation.   

I know I’m not the first person to ask these types of questions.  Tragedy, Death, and the ways of the Universe have been questioned since the start of time.  Many of the brightest minds in history, philosophy, and religion have asked some of the same questions  and have returned with very little results.   

Spoiler alert…my search has been no different.   What I have discovered though is that I probably  wasn’t meant to figure it out.   Why not?   Because the formulas being used by the Universe aren’t formulas that I’m meant to understand.  I’m  trying to figure these things out using addition and subtraction but the Universe is using advanced Trigonometry. Hell,  the Universe is probably using math that Katherine Johnson from Hidden Figures couldn’t figure out.   

The math applied to make the sun rise, that causes a sperm cell to fertilize an egg and create life, that created the Grand Canyon, isn’t meant for me to understand.   The powers that be are using super advanced calculators and I’m here trying to add and subtract with my fingers.  It’s simply not  going to work and in the Book of Isiah I’m reminded why… 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts”

Isaiah 55:8-9

It’s inevitable that I will continue to have moments where things don’t seem to add up but  hopefully during my attempts to make it add up (still a Virgo man),  I can remember that I’m not ready for the calculations of the world.  

Maybe,  one day some of these formulas and strategies will be made available to me.  Maybe not.  If I was a betting man, I’d put money down that the answers won’t come until the next time I see my Mother and those 3 young men.

*1H/6W

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